Put the blame on me :'(

I have gone through many difficulties in life, and even Now I had push myself to my hardest side :( Every minute, every second I drag this shame on me, knowing I will breaks Cik Ana's heart, the only ONE who always stand by me, when I really need help, when people insult me, Cik Ana will be the one I can depend on and will never let me DOWN, she's NEVER :'( I am too blind to know her pain, I'll be the reason for her pain and she can put the blame on me :( But, as life goes on I'm starting to learn more and more about responsibility, I have to move on, with my future life, that I know my Mom always support me, she know this is the best decision for ME. I really felt disappointed, even cried, when I did something WRONG, and you will never understand, maybe u just can put the blame on ME :( I want to take this time out to apologize for the things I have done, b :'( Will you sincerely forgive me, Syafizan? :'( Please stand by me when I was hit by this difficulties :(